Thursday, February 6, 2014

What are Dads for again?

In the last 2 months of being a dad, I have been trying to navigating my new purpose here on this earth. I have a new baby who has captured my heart, but I'm not really sure what I mean to this little person yet. She spends most of the day with her mamma.  Since the baby's daily duties consist of eating, pooping, and sleeping, I find my self only able to help with 2/3 of the baby's needs and only 1/3 of the time since I am the breadwinner. In the first 2 months, I find myself feeling almost unnecessary in this little one's life as I realize that her mamma could do everything for her without me, whereas I couldn't.

I consistently reach my heart out to this little one loving her even in the midst of my quest to find purpose in her little world. I change her diapers, I talk to her, I sing to her, I hold her when she's sad, and I rock her in her car seat until my arms are sore from the kettle ball workout I just gave myself.

I say all these things because my experience as a new daddy makes me wonder how other new dads feel. On the outside looking in, watching this special relationship between mamma and child, doing menial things that don't seem significant in the relationship. I am coming out of the initial fog, because my daughter now knows that I am her daddy and I am here to protect and provide for her.

It was only 2 days ago that I was getting off work and driving home late since I was picking up a birthday cake for my wife's birthday party. Before I got home, my wife called me with my child crying in the background. Tiffany put the phone on speaker and I started talking to my daughter. Her instant response was to start smiling and talking to me. She did this for a while until she couldn't find me and started crying again.

When I finally arrived home, I picked her up and she calmed down and nestled into my arms completely content. Even later that night among our close family, she wouldn't allow anyone but her daddy to hold her.   

Something about this night shifted the way I think about fatherhood. The reason I became a father is so that I could pour my life into another person. I wanted love someone else the way that my Father God loves me. In doing what I am capable of doing as an earthly father I began to realize why God even created us. There is a thrill in my heart when my daughter realized that I am her daddy. She loves me and craves my attention. God loves us unconditionally and always will, but he loves it when we realize who He is as Father. His heart beats harder when we crave His attention. His love bursts out on us because he gets to love us closely and not just from a relationship of doing things for us.

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